I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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