She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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