I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
