So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
