If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
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He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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