It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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