chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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