10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
