if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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