my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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