I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
