i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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