take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
