yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
