she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
