haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
