one might say we're banned from that church
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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