We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
