i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
