wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
