Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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