There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
