how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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