I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
