Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
