Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize