absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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