I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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