so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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