I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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