I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
