I got chris browned last night
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize