Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office