Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs