Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
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NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.