bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas