new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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