I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
