Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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