Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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