Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Someone signed my nipple.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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