and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
