he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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