she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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