This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
