is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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