yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
