Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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