So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sext me about skeletons
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
