can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
