In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
