My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
worst night to have a conscience
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
where are my eyebrows?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
