Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
