Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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