i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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