the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
