We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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