dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
