The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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