well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow