I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE