I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment