how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't deserve a penis
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...