hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize